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By Eli Kovach, a guest writer for FPS.com
‘Twas the night before P & C’s reporting day, when all through the Northcoast,
Indian fans were still stirring from the Choo extension to boast
Chief Wahoo Headresses were hung in fourth place just last year,
Now the hope is the ChiSox, Twins & Tigers have a view from the rear
Our GM was nestled all snug with his blackberry,
While visions of power bullpen arms danced oh so merry;
And Mark in his Slider Slippers, and Mr Dolan taking a nap,
They’re both so run-down from all this Paul Hoynsie crap
When over at Progressive there arose such a clatter,
Did PRONK HAFNER get traded? Is there a tweet on the matter?
Away to Carnegie & Ontario I flew like a flash,
Snuck under a gate and paid an usher with cash;
The Cleveland Clinic sign, just above the new 24 inch snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear
But John Adams and his ugly wife must be near
With a little pound pound this maestro, so lively with knack,
I knew in a moment my ear plugs did lack
More rapid than pigeons new relievers they came,
Manny whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now Perez now Lewis now Smith and Raffy
On Herrman, on Tony, on Perez, and don’t forget Laffey
Will Huff last as the # 5 Starter A committee the call?
Is Alex going to be in that spot by the fall!”
No more bridge for our Indians, the limit is the sky
Bargain basement-bought team full of All-Stars, w/ Fausto a Cy?
With a perhaps stud at first base, Nix on the corner at third
Grady with ladies-uh-ga-ga back in the field, injuries cured for this herd
And then, in a twinkling, he strolled to the mound,
The prancing and pawing of this hard-throwing hound,
Laying his fingers astride of the seam,
No more blisters for Adam, he’s completed his dream
He threw out his hand, tight belly twisting around,
Down toward home plate, the ball took off with a bound;
He spoke not a word, just continued to work,
He went into his windup; didn’t act like a jerk,
His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He threw like the old Miller, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment, he’s got that old kick;
His heater’s mid-nineties, the curve ball has bite,
Let’s mark him down for a hold as all is now right!
And nice to see Carlos looking so fit and trim
His knee is now sound from many days in the gym
Marson showed up early, Brantley looks ready to play
Even Asdrubal is strong and healthy today
Living up to the hype, Lonnie hit many balls high,
Donald grinded away, Phelps slugged line drives;
LaPorta the rare righty, Kearns hopes to make a home left,
Catching will be no problem, as Carlos is deft;
PRONK had the old stroke back, when he hit ‘em they flew,
They all batted around, even Little Lou!
The crowd sprang to their feet, to the team gave a whistle,
Grady circled the bases, Masterson threw another missile;
A new year is upon us and our Wahoos are dreamin,
“We’ve got CarCar & Talbot, pennant fever starts with believin !!”
…with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and Henry Livingston, Jr.
Thank you to Eli and we hope to see more.
Bill Smith is a former coach of several semi-pro teams, has officiated both football and basketball, done color on radio for college football and basketball and has scouted talent. He is a senior writer for and edits https://fryingpansports.com. His first non-fiction work is at the publisher now and he has published several novels on
and a non-fiction work at http://www.merriam-press.com/. He edits . Also listen to the best Sports Talk anywhere on the Internet and hear his sports show Monday-Friday 5-9 EST on http://www.cleveland.com/dsn/index.ssf/2010/11/dsn_video_live_stream.html
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